@TheTweetOfGod: People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
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@TheRolo: Hey guurl. "Hey there." Feeling lonely tonight? "I have a boyfriend." Why are you talking to me then? "You haven't taken my order yet."
@ahamedweinberg: 2015. Worse than the death of paper is the death of staplers. Rest in peace you sexy plastic alligators.
@briangaar: I just want to be one of those dads who runs on the field & tackles an opposing 6 year old
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What would you say is your greatest strength? I'm pretty humble. Actually, I'm incredibly humble. Amaaaaazingly humble.