@bananagrvyrd: People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't, or at least that's what I like to tell myself.
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@GrantTanaka: Wife: oh honey, I didn't marry for money, the guy I fell in love with had an easy smile, a sparkling laugh & big dreams. then I met you.
@mattingebretson: Whenever someone starts checking their phone when I'm talking to them I like to regain their attention by combing their hair
@thesulk: Next time you're on an elevator with a stranger say, "If the doors open and it's all zombies, let's team up."
@Sickayduh: Chairman: Ok so we've decided a group of crows is called a flock? Creepy Frank: *licking a knife* I've got a better idea