@bananagrvyrd: People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't, or at least that's what I like to tell myself.
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@thatdutchperson: [blind date] Her: I'm a Capricorn, which probably tells you way too much about m.. Me: *covers ears with bread rolls*
@rolldiggity: Bully: "Hey, four eyes!" Me: "Don't you mean... fork eyes?" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]
@Heldinchains: Autocorrect changed honey to homey. Now, instead of going out to a romantic dinner we will be doing a drive-by.