@bananagrvyrd: People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't, or at least that's what I like to tell myself.
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@SortaBad: Babies are like Starbucks because they're expensive as shit and yet you still forget them on the roof of your car
@thenatewolf: WIFE: You kept screaming “no, no, no, no, no” in your sleep. What were you dreaming about? ME: a well balanced diet and exercise
@Cherbearxo: Ahhh.......I love the sounds of autumn; that old familiar crunch of Halloween candy wrappers on the floor.
@NicestHippo: "So did you get lucky last night?" You better believe it! [flashback to me making all green lights omw home after girl refused to kiss me]