@NervousJr: People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
@TeejayRush: Guys who try to pick up women on Twitter are a bit sad... Ladies, if you agree, DM me your number so we can talk about it...
@lafpgh: Sure, I'd love to Skype with you. Just hold on a sec while I brush my hair and undergo various cosmetic surgery procedures.
@iamspacegirl: [mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- *mouse passengers squeal with delight*