@NervousJr: People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
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@AdamOfEarth: "That's one small step for man. That's one open fridge for man. That's one good sandwich for-" "Neil! Stop." "I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET"
@buckweiser13: Being nice to people who don't deserve it is exhausting, but the feeling at the end of the day, when you're not in jail for murder, is nice.
@respected_loner: just found out today that monkeys don't lay eggs. so what have i been buying on craigslist. what have i been eating
@realHamOnWry: Today Donald Trump renewed his talk about surveillance on Mosques, gun control and adding alligators to FBI No Fly lists.