@Swishergirl24: People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
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@SteveCarell: Flight attendant:"Would you like the chicken or the pasta?" Me:"What would you suggest?" Flight Attendant:"Eat before you get on the plane."
@onion_an: [coming home from cinema] Don't let that ninja film go to your head again. *roundhouse kicks the light switch on* "I won't"
@weinerdog4life: Last Halloween I had to explain to everyone that I was not a ghost with a boner, but I was just a ghost and I happened to have a boner.