@the_tsai_guy: People who tie their sweaters around their necks look like they were giving somebody a piggyback ride before the person got Raptured.
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@bingowings14: The 16yo tells me he's been revising all day. His browser history suggests he's got his YouTube exam in the morning.
@Contwixt: Love is a can of soda. Open it up too fast & it explodes all over you. Take too long, it goes flat. But no matter what you should recycle.
@KeetPotato: would you like to come on our quiz show? you could win £2,000,000? [imagines spending the entire show standing up] "no thanks"
@NewDadNotes: I want to quit my job but my boss keeps swiping left whenever I tinder my resignation