@_davidlucas_: People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
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@rockymomax: MORGAN FREEMAN: I'm here to narrate your life ME: cool! [2 hrs later] MF: he's still trying to figure out the childproof cap on his Tylenol
@concretesledge_: The tag on this hot tub reads "6 man" when I clearly ordered a 1 man 5 woman hot tub. This one is going back!
@thenatewolf: Avocados are like women: soft inside, dinosaur skin outside, big cricket ball in the middle, all the good ones are taken...