@_davidlucas_: People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
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@Old_Pat_Bren: Hey, Sean Bean, it's either Shaun Baun or Seen Been. You can't have it both ways.
@iwearaonesie: me: Do you think Muhammad Ali tried different animals? Like, "Float like a duck, sting like a jellyfish"? wife: Go to sleep
@PopSlapFunk: 5: "Dad, to be the man of the house, you need to wear pants." Me: ... 5: ... Me: "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Job's all yours."
@EddieHarris216: It feels weird when someone congratulates me for quitting smoking, because it's something nobody should do to their body. Congrats on not drinking bleach! Me: Thanks. It's tough, but the Clorox patch helped.