@_davidlucas_: People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
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@Mom_Overboard: First, they came for the lettuce... and I said nothing because I don't eat lettuce. Then, they came for the kale... and I said nothing because I don't eat kale. Then they came for the fries... and I said, OH. HELL. NO.
@liv_thatsme: the only person who’s actually “living the dream” is the guy who watches the security camera at the grocery store & turns on the veggie spritzer the instant someone reaches for parsley
@abbycohenwl: Neighbor: I need to run to the store. Can you watch the baby? Me (thinks of Daredevil cued up on Netflix): I am a registered sex offender