@TheCatWhisprer: People who write "loosing" when they mean "losing" need to get loost.
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@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun! Me: that'll all stop once you show up
@Donnie_Fairburn: [trying to stick a dollar in a vending machine] vending machine: i have a boyfriend
@iwearaonesie: *helps wife get toddler in his high chair* wife: That's a new shirt, let's put a bib on you me [wearing a bib] This is ridiculous