@juliussharpe: People with Bluetooth headsets always look like the least important people you could possibly call.
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@figgled: Real women have curves!!! Real women have spirals!!! Real women are plump and covered in a creamy sauce wait nope thinkin of pasta
@david8hughes: All you dads out there couldn't hold a candle to my dad. He's petrified of candles.
@internetluke: *gets on 1 knee* Jenny... "OMG" *places hand on heart and starts crying* "This is great!" *gets on 2nd knee* I'm having a heart attack
@Birdhumms: 70% of being married is just wondering which of us is going to benefit from the life insurance.