@juliussharpe: People with Bluetooth headsets always look like the least important people you could possibly call.
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@AnniemuMary: My kid microwaved a fork. My dog barked at an Amazon Prime box for 4 hours. Just waiting for the third verse of my country song.
@AlexRogaski: The squirrels on campus are getting bold. I was eating a pop tart outside and a squirrel came over and stole my credit card information
@Divergentmama: "In this household, there are parents trying to get their kids out of the house in the morning. These are their stories." Law and Order: Missing Shoe
@mindintheshadow: I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they're going to expire in 2017.