@juliussharpe: People with Bluetooth headsets always look like the least important people you could possibly call.
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@dulcetry: I just want to be rich enough where I snap my fingers and 7 people fight over who gets to make me my next grilled cheese.
@TheMichaelRock: Hell hath no fury like a white woman emailing Target after a bad shopping experience.
@MMFlint: Conan: The US is on pace 2 b the world's largest producer of oil. So if history has taught us anything, the US will soon be invading the US.
@drxubair: I'd love to change the world. But I don't think there is a diaper big enough to hold all the shit.