@Thrill_Tweeter: People with FB statuses like, "I'm so angry right now", then when someone says, "What's up?" they reply, "I'll text you." WHAT ABOUT US?
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@WritePlay: SIRI: Brian, what goes "blah blah blah, I don't know anything, please help me"? ME: Uhh SIRI: It's you. That's what you sound like.
@rolldiggity: I never feel guilty about eating baby carrots because it's not like adult carrots are doing anything great with their lives.
@Elizasoul80: When people ask "what do you do" I try to seem normal by saying things like "Walk with my feet. Use water. See things that are there."
@AsphaltFarmboy: My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library. I said "WTF man, it's 2015. You can use whatever printer you want."