@Thrill_Tweeter: People with FB statuses like, "I'm so angry right now", then when someone says, "What's up?" they reply, "I'll text you." WHAT ABOUT US?
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@daemonic3: Sloth 911: What's your emergency [1 week later] Sloth: I'VE BEEN SHOT [1 week later] Sloth 911: DON'T MOVE! We'll be there in a month
@primawesome: Attack today with a positive attitude. Absolutely destroy it with good vibes. Murder its family with hope.
@Reverend_Scott: Muggers: YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE Me: My Lord will protect me Muggers: Haha, right- Jesus: [appears wielding dual katanas] I smell SINNERS
@Maxine12333: Friend said I was becoming antisocial. Ridiculous. You build one little moat and people jump to hasty conclusions.