@ddsmidt: People with house arrest ankle bracelets get so touchy when you compare them to a dog's invisible fence.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@aka_fatman: People always go, "Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?" We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why.
@alucardsdream: If zombies ever do attack, I'll just skip coffee that morning. They'll leave me alone because they'll think I'm one of them.
@osoplain: I'm texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up