@ddsmidt: People with house arrest ankle bracelets get so touchy when you compare them to a dog's invisible fence.
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@Tommytoughstuff: ME: This electric toothbrush knocked a few of my teeth loose. DENTIST: That's an egg beater.
@Diversion50: BUZZ ALDRIN: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with E. NEIL ARMSTRONG: Earth? BUZZ: Nope *5 minutes silence* BUZZ: OK, yep.
@inigoomontoya: I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again
@UncleDuke1969: Kids today have it easy! In the old days, before smartphones & Instagram, by the time we finished the painting, our food was already cold.