@myles_morrison: People with profile pictures of their kids. Stop it. All I can think is, why are these toddlers trying to add me on facebook?
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@usermcuserface: I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this.
@discountzen: I went to walmart today. I got the cart with three wheels and a hoof. This always happens to me.
@HeyZeus666: At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.