@myles_morrison: People with profile pictures of their kids. Stop it. All I can think is, why are these toddlers trying to add me on facebook?
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@ArfMeasures: INTERVIEWER: So...that's it. Any questions for me? ME: Do boxer dogs actually punch? I: um no that's not ME: I bet they use a puppercut
@envydatropic: I get a new phone every year just so my friends don't think I'm lying when I tell them I've lost their number Avoidance is expensive
@smedlee: When I lose a follower, I like to pretend they were Taken, then I go to Europe and shoot absolutely everyone.
@pkollar: video games allow you to journey to wondrous locations straight out of your dreams such as: warehouse, sewer, and subway tunnel