@ObviousOstrich: Pepper spray does not taste like pepper.
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@fro_vo: Wife: can you pick up milk on your way home Me: can't he just get a ride home with friends Wife: again, our son's name is not Milk
@Chumpstring: patient: i wanna feel young again doctor: have you tried moving into a bad apartment and selling marijuana
@007Pepe_Rex: Relationship status: I ran out of toilet paper a week ago. Update: I am now running out of paper towels.