@ObviousOstrich: Pepper spray does not taste like pepper.
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@heatherlarson77: Whenever someone says they did something "like a boss" I assume that means they didn't do it at all and are taking credit for it.
@WheelTod: Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own.
@laurajennyjo: I'm gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit
@punmagnate: What idiot called it a meal of light colored carnival bus tickets of appropriate price and not a fair fair fair fare fare