@ObviousOstrich: Pepper spray does not taste like pepper.
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@HeyZeus666: Answer : Mrs.Claus Question : Who was the only person in history that was unhappy when Santa came early?
@batkaren: When writing science fiction, always Google your made-up planet name; 9 times out of 10, it's an existing yeast infection medication.
@Fickle_Filly: Terminate an unwanted conversation with someone you haven't seen for years with the words, "Wow. You've aged badly..."
@M_Hedberg: People think stage diving is dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water. So the audience is 5% away from being a pool.