@dragnut: Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
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@juliussharpe: The ending of "Romeo and Juliet" is only sad if you think two fourteen year-olds should have gotten married.
@weirdralph: They can identify a dead body by its dental records. How cool is that? "We don't know who he is, but we know his dentist!"
@thenatewolf: "You do realize it's a crime to lie in court, right?" *I think for a moment and then move my hands closer together*
@KeetPotato: me: [letting dog lick my face] wife: that's disgusting me: [squirting shampoo into my hand] you're the one who used all the hot water linda