@KittyShittyy: Perks of dating me : I'm too lazy to cheat on you
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@GrowlyGrego: Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor "Have you ever turned down heroin?" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.
@PaperWash: McConaughey: I'll have a venti with cream please Starbucks barista: ok, how do you spell your last name? McConaughey: I don't know
@hipstermermaid: It's amazing that whales have evolved to live for over 700 years and humans have evolved to spread misinformation online! Nature's wonders!
@BryMastas: Someday, I wish Twitter will come up with a new & useful feature for once, like a sarcasm indicator for the ones who never get it.