@DurtMcHurtt: Perms are just rad skateparks for lice.
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@CoolCamel69: Son, I found some drugs in your backpack "Dad I swear they're not mine" DAMMIT SUSAN, THEY ARENT HIS. 1st time we were proud and you blew it
@iwearaonesie: if people really didn't want to hear smartass responses they wouldn't keep asking questions like "do you know why i pulled you over?"
@WritePlay: *I gently remove an eyelash from her cheek* "Make a wish," I say. *I am crushed by a T-Rex wearing a saddle seconds later*
@tastefactory: "It's gonna taste really good." - excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You're Expecting Pizza