@KenJennings: PERSONALITY TEST: When you read an obit where someone passes away "surrounded by family," do you picture murder, or suicide?
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@jonnysun: i wonder how many time-travelers accidemtaly went back in time instead of forward but then saw a knight & thought "wow look at this robot!!"
@mishakey: How come when my kid wants to show me something, she has to place it directly inside my cornea?
@Playing_Dad: 6am. 4 runs into bedroom, jumps on bed repeatedly. "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY! WAKE UP! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! WE'RE GOING TO LET YOU SLEEP IN!
@AnkCoupleTO: [coming out of coma] Doc: You survived the heart attack Me: I'm going to eat right & get fit D: *shows me hospital bill* M: *pulls plug*