@AndyAsAdjective: *personally visits the 7 friends who continually trap me in a rather chatty text message group & punches each of them in the face*
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@PaulGibson1963: Daughter steals my iPad so I left Google open on "too many kids" & "making it look accidental." Found my iPad but haven't seen her all day.
@C00LpenNAME: A recent study shows that 90% of all adults have a chronic or even fatal disease The other 10% don't use Web MD
@leahloveslovely: Vodka bottles should come printed with a crisis hotline number to call in the event you feel like texting your ex