@TrainedHedonist: Perverts have made it so you can't even park your makeshift surveillance van conspicuously outside girls' college diving team meets anymore.
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@natkaotic: Those of you who believe everything you read on the internet probably also believe there's hot local singles in your area.
@lisaxy424: Next time I'm at a restaurant, I'm going to do what my cat does and yell until someone covers the empty parts of my plate with more food.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat.