@TrainedHedonist: Perverts have made it so you can't even park your makeshift surveillance van conspicuously outside girls' college diving team meets anymore.
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@DiscoFruit: [3rd grade] bae: come over me: no bae: my parents aren't home. me: but we're only 7, that's awful parenting. bae: but- me: AWFUL. PARENTING.
@kenradio: No one deals with rejection more than Internet Explorer requesting to be your default browser..
@Cheeseboy22: If you're wondering what all these scratches on my chest are from, it's because my cat hates to get in the hot tub with me.
@Tuna_Lover: I took my turtle for a walk. It's been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway.