@jonnysun: *pets a duck* helo litle friemd u used to b a dinosuar
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@SortaBad: Sorry I can't pay for a new car right now, I'm still paying off a Naked Juice I bought in 2014
@shutupmikeginn: [Target cashier stares at my fingerless gloves] Ah, couldn't help notice you were admiring my hand vests.
@andylevy: "Guess I'll turn on the news to see what the government is up to" - The President of the United States
@koalaslament: I hate it when I go to clean my daughters room & I emerge 3 hours later having just finished a delightful tea party with a giraffe & a pony.