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@jonnysun: *pets a duck* helo litle friemd u used to b a dinosuar
@novicefather: I DO help with the laundry. My wife just doesn't understand.
I wear the same jeans for like two weeks straight.
@KentWGraham: I’m forgetful. My wife is rememberful.
@Aspersioncast: My daily horoscope says I just lost all of my decent followers by posting my daily horoscope on Twitter.
@MikeMcNeil_: Well, well, well. If it isn't that thing I told my wife I already did.
@LackOfShame: Have fun, but be careful. Your sister was vacuumed up last week, and yesterday your cousin was killed with a shoe.
- spider moms, probably