@i_wasnt_looking: Pharmacy employee you're too unhappy for someone who is in control of all the drugs.
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@ninjadinosaur1: It would probably be cool to hang out with a witch because you could bake just the biggest cake in her child sized oven.
@TheToddWilliams: [back from the ultrasound] MOTHER-IN-LAW: So did you see the fetus? ME: Fetus, handus, legus...there was practically a whole baby in there!
@thepunningman: Wife: But the zoo told you never to come back Me: [loading hotdogs into shotgun] Those giraffes can't live on salad, Eleanor