@iheartgunts: Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.
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@kaytaa: Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something.
@Marlebean: (opens door) Me: Staff meeting soon CW: GET OUT! M: Nice carpet CW: SHUT THE DOOR! M: Can I borrow some toilet paper? The next stall is out.
@mattingebretson: I hate when a grocery clerk judges you for what you put on the checkout belt. I found that dead cat behind YOUR store & now I want to buy it
@LurkAtHomeMom: My son asked what it was like to be a parent so I begged him to make me chicken nuggets and then held on to his leg so he couldn't move.