@KenJennings: "Phone Call to My Dad" feat. My Mom Yelling Things at Me in the Background
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@E_lok44: You know that runny food on your plate that touches all the other food? That's you, butting into a conversation. You're creamed corn.
@abhorrent_wife: Please, baseball fans. Enthrall me with complex details about a game where someone hits the ball with a stick and runs around in a circle.
@casey_csaszar: My dog cant hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
@justabloodygame: [Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy] "Let's see who this ghost really is!" No! Wait, I'm not- [rip off face] *gasps* "OLD MAN SKELETON?"