@UnFitz: I remember when it was called "drinking a glass of water" instead of "hydrating."

@TheBoydP: The ruling that legal papers can now be "served" on Facebook is ridiculous. Don't they know the people they're looking for are on twitter?

@Birdhumms: "Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship" *me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share.

@thepatrickwalsh: Tom Cruise has never starred in a movie where his character description didn't include the word "hotshot."

@PopSlapFunk: 5: "Dad, to be the man of the house, you need to wear pants." Me: ... 5: ... Me: "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Job's all yours."