@baaabs_29: I remember when I used to play hard to get.. now I'm like hi i love you, ring size 4.5, my uterus is healthy, please marry me.

@SSDated: This guy in the elevator asked for my number so I wrote it on his arm. Apparently he meant which floor, so that was awkward.

@WilliamAder: When making small talk at a tweet-up, avoid using the word "fungus."

@GinGander: I watched her squeeze into the booth, finish 3 Egg McMuffins, & stand-up. "My knees are killing me, it must be the cold weather," she said.

@AaronFullerton: 1938: "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "It's... Superman!" 2013: "Is that a drone?" "Yeah, it's probably a drone."