@WheelTod: "Pick a card, any card, make sure you memorize it, now put it back with the rest": me, with my wife at the Hallmark Store on Valentine's Day
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@elle91: In 3rd grade the bus driver missed my house but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I got off at the last stop and started a new life.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I keep looking for love in all the wrong places." *later at the abandoned mine* Me: "Hello?! Would anybody like a date?!"
@KeetPotato: me: "im confused, run that by me again" doctor: "you do not need to bring your cat to the hospital, that's just what we call the machine"
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I think this patient is dying. What blood type is he?" Nurse: "B positive." Doctor: "Okay. I don't think this patient is dying."