@caseytduncan: Pick a card, any card. No, not that one. Not that one, either.
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@JustinGuarini: You know you're tired when you kneel on the ground pick something up and then have to decide if it's easier to get up or just live there now
@cjwerleman: When Obama declared war on Ebola, an executive producer at Fox News tried to find it on google maps.
@badbanana: I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home.