@caseytduncan: Pick a card, any card. No, not that one. Not that one, either.
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@Brianhopecomedy: If I applied for a job at the Vatican & they asked for my references I'd say, "Contact Him" while pointing up. HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB.
@whatmaddness: [inventing wedding dresses] a massive skirt! more skirt! MORE now, put a skirt over her face! god ya that’s the stuff
@Thynebear: [buying condoms] Do you have anything bigger? Like if someone wanted to pretend to be a slippery ghost for a day, or something like that.
@BradBroaddus: Wife must be planning to paint the house. I found plastic & tape under our bed. Not sure what the shovel & pistol are for.