@ibid78: "Pick a pencil. Look at it. Now put it back with the other pencils. Was your pencil the number 2?"-Steve, shitty pencil magician
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@yungsweater: Can I get an amen? AMEN! Can I get a b-men? BMEN! Can I get a c-men? CME--*the whole church laughs*
@PaperWash: [wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today? [me doing push ups] hell no I'm not letting that baby get stronger than me
@neerjagurnani: The best way to refuse a credit card telemarketer is to tell them you're unemployed. Guarantees them hanging up within seconds.
@TheMichaelRock: We could completely eliminate car thefts by making every car alarm sound like Hillary Clinton's laugh.