@ThatsSarcasm: *Picking up my kid from school in 20 years* Me: Yo shawty leggo. Kid: Please no. Me: Stop hating YOLO. Kid: You're embarrassing. Me: Swag.
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@iliezabeth: REPORTER: how does it feel that ur tweet got like 0 favs? ME: it made me laugh so I dont think its so bad R: how does it feel 2 be wrong tho
@onion_an: Dentist switches lamp on: "Now open wide" Moth dental assistant: *repeatedly flies into bulb* Dentist: "This has to stop Denise"
@MrsMikePatton: I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
@KKAlThani: If "Bieber fever" is when a Bieber song comes on the radio & you start throwing up & stabbing yourself, then yes I had Bieber fever once.