@ceejoyner: Picture a fox. Wrong. They are smaller than that.
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@iLikeCatShirts: Dealer: Anyone follow you dude? Me: just my cat *dealer opens trench coat & my mom jumps out* Mom: why are you using drugs???
@SladeWentworth: McDonald's french fries are not real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect. Tasted fine, too.
@shatterpants: I think that whenever you become a parent, doctors should just prescribe whatever pills you want.
@LizHackett: I attempted smoky eye makeup for a holiday party tonight, but instead it looks like I survived a bar fight, so I'm going with that story.