@MarijuanaViews: *hits blunt*

@JennyJohnsonHi5: The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don't want anymore children living on our street.

@cupcakelynda: My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.

@sofarrsogud: NARRATOR: When camping be wary of savage bears trying to take your food *camera pans to a bear holding glass of wine with a wtf expression

@Introvert_Dad: Jesus fed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish. I can't even satisfy myself with a family sized lasagne