@LilianaXO: Picture us, making love. Wrong. More cheese.
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@NikkiNeverAgain: Was told I can't use Wi-Fi at McDonald's unless I eat. So I am bringing a peanut butter sandwich.
@turboescortdude: 3 y/o: I want a bagel Me: We don't have any 3 y/o: You're a idiot Me: How did you survive your abortion
@AnkCoupleTO: Embrace her crazy and she'll love you forever or until she kills you, whichever comes first
@Sean_Burgundy_: When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot