@timdonakowski: Pillow fights didn't last as long in the Stone Age.
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@thatdutchperson: [first date] Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know? Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally
@noog: *notices battery is at 4%* *goes into airplane mode* *turns down brightness* *exits all apps* *prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*
@Home_Halfway: Not sure what to do with your hands while on a date? Carry two swords. Next question
@Chicken_Hawk38: I only had one beer Cupcake Can i call you Cupcake? No?? Okay, I only had one beer Officer.