@timdonakowski: Pillow fights didn't last as long in the Stone Age.
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@jwoodham: "Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight.
@SortaBad: I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
@TheHyyyype: ME: *tells joke* WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school [later] ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th