@ZanyJaney11: Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
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@GrantTanaka: *daughter reading *son playing ipod *dog sleeping *house quiet *I go take a dump FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG'S ON FIRE
@MrAdamBez: *gets sentenced to 25 years in prison* *opens twitter app* *looks up* *being released*
@RonAnthonyQuinn: If I ever win the lottery & someone asks me for money I'm going to give them a dollar & say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That's what I did."