@DamienFahey: Piss me off in the grocery store and I'll get in front of you in the checkout line and pay for a single tomato with a personal check.
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@thenatewolf: *sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers
@alexqarbuckle: Mike Pence getting booed at Hamilton is the worst thing to ever happen to a politician at a play
@Stellacopter: One time my husband asked me to dance for him and I performed the entire Lion King musical to the best of my ability.
@jackiembouvier: I love my husband. But, what really motivates me to stay married is how much weight I'd have to lose to date again.