@Deurb1: Piss off the DJ by dancing the Macarena to all his music.
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@phaggots: "911, please help im dying" Good cop: help is on the way Bad cop: just suck it up and be a man Dad cop: hi dying, im dad
@WeissBrandon: I'd never lie just to get a girl to sleep with me, is one of my favorite lies to tell girls that I am trying to sleep with.
@Brianhopecomedy: I inform my 4 year old that she's going to a friend's house 5 minutes before we leave so she only asks me when we're going 6000 times.