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@NickSchug: If I worked at a pizza place I would use pepperoni to spell out "Marry me?" on pizzas all the time just to make things awkward for couples.
@PsstCaptain: Teens today have it so easy. We didn't have self-checkout lanes when WE bought condoms.
@billcheek26: I'm taking my niece and nephew to the corn maze today. If I can't lose them there, I'll try the mall again.
@JohnLyonTweets: Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.