@thesulk: Pizza Hut ad: "Do you want the same old same old, or do you want the original?" Think about these words.
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@rickygervais: It seems to be true, particularly in middle America, that those most militant about using up fossil fuels, don't actually believe in fossils
@faisaladam_: In Soviet Russia a bar walks into men. The case of the man-killing-bar remains unsolved.
@DoucheMcBaggus: When my son gets uppity, I like to remind him that I'm totally nailing his mom.
@LoverOfComics94: In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can.