@Brentweets: Pizza Hut is going gluten free so while you are dying from a heart attack you can atleast not have gas problems
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@deardilettante: [hits you in the face with newspaper] "Sorry, I thought your eyebrows were caterpillars."
@UncleDuke1969: My daughter, filling out a college app, called me at home to get my home number. Big shout out to the ex-wife for pissing in my gene pool.
@jdforshort: There are some problems in life that can be solved with chocolate....others require a full clip and a shovel.
@Sassafrantz: Relationship Status: I ate 7 bananas trying to get the new guy at work to notice me.