@tinynietzsche: Pizza is a good argument against nihilism.
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@noogscorner: Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend. Step 2) Text "Medusa's excited to meet you." Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn.
@JohnLyonTweets: Those guys who came by the office to ask for protection money kept breaking things. Like I'm going to pay people that clumsy to protect me!
@KentWGraham: My wife tried imitating the weird groaning sound her car is making, and all three auto mechanics asked her out.