@RegularFred: Pizza is like racism. America didn't invent it, but it's hard to find a country that does it better.
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@jwoodham: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Who threw that? Gary, was that you? Don't act innocent, I know you download music illegally.
@Rhythms_n_Booze: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Honestly I'm so shit faced I have no idea.
@Wine_Charmer: You found a baby spider in here? -Yeah, but only one. *Googles avg # of spiders hatched* *eyes widen* Just. One? [Never. Sleeps. Again.]