@RegularFred: Pizza is like racism. America didn't invent it, but it's hard to find a country that does it better.
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@RunwayDan: Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood.
@omgthatspunny: Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.
@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, "What's the secret to a long life?" I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"
@DirtMcTurd: *Pulls up to drive-thru window* "Extra toilet paper please" Do you mean napkins? "Sure, whatever"