@KickingAnchors: Pizza will never hurt your feelings.
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@WheelTod: "Pick a card, any card, make sure you memorize it, now put it back with the rest": me, with my wife at the Hallmark Store on Valentine's Day
@CoopFogg: When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I'm a pretty princess". And they do. And I am.
@QwertyJones3: [First date] Ok, don't let her know you're a pharmacist Her: Can you pass the salt? "Sure, it'll be ready in two hours."
@kelkulus: If you believe that no great story ever started with someone eating a salad, then you're using the wrong kind of mushrooms.