@DaHess1: Pizza will never tell you you're fat unless you're high as shit, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
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@cbdoubleu: Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials
@Cnelson019Carol: According to the stores .I should be in a Halloween costume, sitting under a Christmas tree eating turkey . I'm so confused.
@robfee: I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
@pleatedjeans: [angrily holding cookie under milk for way too long] Yo whatcha doin bro? [looks him dead in the eye] practicing for you