@xodeadlykissxo: Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.
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@ilovepie84: This Teenage girl gave me attitude today so I called her the "Fattest Skinny person I have ever seen" that should confuse her for a while.
@TheCatWhisprer: [1 of 4 car accidents caused by texting & driving] PEOPLE: won't be me [1 in 292 million chance of winning powerball] PEOPLE: you never know
@PetrickSara: Me: Who drew the picture? 8: I can't remember her name. Me: You memorize 200 Pokémon but you don't remember the kids names in class? 8: 213
@squirrel74wkgn: [at recycling center] Me: *unloads 46 bags of crushed aluminum cans* Cashier: Wow! *hands me $1*