@somecleverthing: Plagiarism is bad? Change a few words, that shit is yours. It's like when you change a baby's clothes- new baby. New baby that's yours now.
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@mrjohndarby: [city marathon] ME *handing out drinks to the passing runners*: DRINK? RUNNER *grabs drink from me*: THANKS ME *chasing*: SO WHAT ARE WE?
@KeetPotato: this is the worst weather ive ever seen "what about when the wind had sharks in it?" that was a movie dad "oh excuse me weather expert"
@RunJeffreyRun: I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
@Jeffwni: [job interview] Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?