@Pundamentalism: "Plagiarism Squad reporting for duty." / "Copy that."
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@d_duhwit: Wife: No one's ever gunna buy your hip hop cooking album. Get a job! *sweeps my papers off the kitchen counter * Me: MY RECIBEATS!
@Ygrene: [seeing a skyscraper with all the lights on] oh man the dad of that building is gonna be mad
@gagging: Michael Jackson breaks into WALMART. He only steals lotion. Turning to the security camera he whispers "smooth criminal" and moonwalks away
@MasterOfFury: I'm not stalking you. I'm trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04.