@Pundamentalism: "Plagiarism Squad reporting for duty." / "Copy that."
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@TheRealAnchovy: Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin, it tastes the same but you know it ain't quite right.
@Coastiefish: Don't say "ATM machine". The "M" already stands for "machine". It's redundant. It's like saying "end result" or "racist Fox News Anchor".
@mattZillaaaa: I don't mean to brag but I've perfected the confused look whenever my credit cards get declined
@annadrezen: My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I'm great at pole dancing.