@dksc4life: Play a fun prank with your kids by hiding a bigger Elf on the Shelf in your house each day so in a few weeks he’s 10 feet tall and they’re absolutely terrified of Christmas.
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@ericsshadow: [me telling a joke] guy wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand.
@justokdane: spider: sup me: omg stay away spider: don't worry I'm a good spider me: there's good spiders? spider: hahaha no I'm gonna get you