@tastefactory: Play Sharknado for an old person and tell them that it's a live news broadcast.
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@trevso_electric: If you want to know what a girl will look like in 30 years, stop talking to her and show up to her house in 30 years to check on her.
@iwearaonesie: wife: I TOLD you not to try a 360 with the grocery cart me: It was really nice when everyone started clapping after they saw I was ok though
@itsWillyFerrell: My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It's not a very good poem, but it's very deep.