@tastefactory: Play Sharknado for an old person and tell them that it's a live news broadcast.
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@Quartzjixler: Shipwreck survivors on an island S1: We told you to spell 'SOS' with those coconuts! S2: I know but I want our rescuers to know I'm a vegan.
@AristotlesNZ: 5yo: I dropped my damn spoon! Me: Don't be using that word! 5yo: Is it a bad word? Me: It is.. 5yo: Ok..I dropped my damn "food scooper"?
@jngraphs: *Tweets funniest tweet ever *Dies laughing *Over 6 billion die laughing *Germany and Russia survive *Coz nobody left to explain the joke
@ThisOneSayz: 6 wakes me at 6:30am: wanna play a game? Me: go hide! 1, 2, 3... 6: you'll never find me! Me: *goes back to sleep*