@Not_a_JesusGirl: Playboy has started a new edition for married men with the same women featuring every month.
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@TwinSurvivalist: Dr: You're diabetic. Too much sugar and I'll have to amputate your legs. Me: *shoving Cinnabon in mouth* Can I get those cool blade ones?
@truegritrumble: GUY: Hey, hold the elevator! ME: *laughs to myself as I don’t hold the elevator* It’s the little things that make life worth living. *12 hours later* GUY: *who is apparently building maintenance* I was trying to warn you it was broken.