@Brianhopecomedy: Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, "That's not your left foot" a billion times.
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@PortRooster: Pitbull: Hey, what rhymes with "Kodak"? Nicki Minaj: "Kodak", duh... Pitbull: Thanks!
@internetluke: [on date] Here, let me help you with your jacket! *i gently remove her jacket* This is mine now. Cya
@Smooheed: 'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'