@Brianhopecomedy: Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, "That's not your left foot" a billion times.
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@ItsAndyRyan: Bae: Are you coming over? Me: Yes, I'm coming over. - Me and Bae having CB Radio sex
@Elizasoul80: The lack of proof that Robert Downey Jr is stalking me just convinces me that he is very good at it.
@TEXASVETERAN: Finishing up my time machine. Bolting down the flux capacitor now. I'll start small and go back a couple of seconds just to see if it works.
@JRehling: God talked to Jews like 500 times in the Old Testament, and not one warning about the Nazis.