@johnbiehl: "Playing hard to get huh?" I say as I flip through your wedding photos on facebook.
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@samalmightysam: -Honey, what made you fall in love with me? -Your mother. -But my mother lives 5000 miles away. -That's why...
@Breadery: I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn't scare too easily but I just beat the shit out of a motion activated air freshener.
@polksalad: Just found out my cat lied about being pregnant just to try and save our relationship and cover up for getting fat.
@DirtMcTurd: A man started choking in the line at Wendys today. Luckily the manager jumped into action... And opened another register