@K_blue: Playing hide and seek in my office building because they can't fire you if they can't find you.
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@PS_IRuddYou: This girl text me: "your adorable I text back: no YOU'RE adorable Now she likes me and I was just pointing out her typo...
@generaldietz: [Olive Garden] Me: *walks in* Hostess: *hands me shovel* Bury the bodies in the back. Me: Huh? Hostess: When you're here you're family.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Me: Do you want to meet your sisters at the bus stop? 5: *doesn't look up* I already know them.